Such sorrow and such pain
by beatenhalo
Summary: When Binx is forced under owing Castiel a debt, she must care for Gadreel until health is replenished. That meaning to protect him at all costs and make sure nothing bad happens to him. In her path to doing so it almost costs her, her life and her emotional state. Gadreel x oc.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfiction on here, please bear with me if there are any errors. Set post!season nine when Dean had attacked Gadreel.  
Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly welcomed. Not spoiler free.**

* * *

I was sprawled out on the couch, the weather humid and hot for my own liking. The underside of my horizontal resting position was getting even warmer from the friction that I made with the fabric every time I moved. Even if I were bare legged with my lower undergarments being exposed it was still not satisfying. The phone lit up and the sounds of it ringing began to play. I threw my hand lazily onto the coffee table before taking the phone into my hands and answering.

"Hello?" I asked. Thumb and index finger being brought to my temples. A small tired feeling washing over me all of a sudden.

"_**Binxy**_, is that you?" The voice was majorly annoying and almost too familiar. I scowled.

"Who is this?" I sunk further into the cushions and eyed the ceiling, praying it wasn't who I thought it was.

"It's Carol! Duh, you know, your childhood friend from highschool?" I could tell she was popping gum. Carol. The biggest idiot since 2006 hadn't even spoken to me in more than eight years and only so because we were once allianced.

"Oh─Hello Carol, can I ask why you are calling me at this hour?" I faked a tone to seem like I was half interested and half unmoved by her sudden excitement. I normally wasn't this touchy towards people, but she was someone who made my life a bit like hell when I was younger. It happened in spurs, bullying, and then it happened largely. I was mute for sometime due to shyness and anxiety and I suffered from low self-esteem which they targeted me for. Carol at first, I thought was my friend, defending me when I could not. That was until we reached freshmen year in highschool.

It was surprising how she changed. I always remembered walking with her to the bus stop, but when she met the popular crowd she got the ticket in. She never bought me one and stopped walking with me after that.

"Oh you know, the usual. Just checkin' on how my buddy is doing." _Rubbish_. I screamed.

"Carol, you haven't called me in almost a decade. Why are you talking to me now? Is it something you─" The sound of harsh knocking at my apartment door shook me out of my almost to come raging fit.

"Binx, listen-" I hung up the phone immediately and walked towards the door. I peeked through the peephole. _Castiel_? I thought. The angel in a trenchcoat who had bandaged me and saved me from death was standing there with someone next to him.

"Cas?" I questioned as I slowly opened the wooden frame. He rushed in. An unknown man slinking to his side. Arm slung around his shoulders, bloody and broken. The angel lowered him onto my couch. The soft whimpers escaped the stranger made me wince. It was like the night I met Castiel, just in a different scenario,"What are you doing here?"

"Do you remember the time I told you that you would owe me one day?" He looked out of breath as he craned his head towards me. Immediate response strangled my words.

"No." _Yes_.

"I taught you on how to heal angels during your recovery, you really don't remember that?" The raven haired man ascended right in front of me and I lowered my head.

"I do." I finally spoke up with honesty.

"Binx, he needs help, please, my grace is dying and I need to save every last bit up for a war that is coming. You are my last hope." I bit my bottom lip. Someone who needed my help who seemed to have no one else really triggered me.

I had a grim expression, but of sympathy,"fine." I scowled. I walked halfway towards the kitchen before I felt his fingers grasp tightly around my wrist.

"Take care of him and keep him _safe_. He is my brother and right now he doesn't need to be tortured more than he already has been. Anyone who looks to be anymore than just a glance, keep them away from him." He urged. This was going to be a big job and Castiel knew that because right after I thought about it, he patted me softly on the back,"I trust you, Binx."

"I hate how you do that," I stifled a small side smile and he returned one,"I'll try my best."

"I'll call to discuss more about this, but for now I must go." I nodded and turned away to feel the air pressure on me as he left. I walked into my kitchen and pulled up the bottom drawer near the sink. I put my hand inside and let it linger until I felt a latch. I pulled it up and there were all my ingredients that I kept safe. They were gifts from Castiel. I mostly kept them as souvenirs from everywhere he had traveled, but they were also kept incase of any rare emergency.

_Right, Fox whiskers, swan feathers, and pixie dust. Holy water was kept up ontop of the refrigerator. _I was going to be lucky if I had all of them.

I began to ponder through my things and found what I needed. I rushed back out into the living room area. Turning to the coffee table and settling everything down. I grabbed my wooden bowl and began to crush up everything. Fox whiskers were to be cut into three sections, each whisker. Swan feathers crumbled and rolled. Pixie dust just to be added after the holy water was applied. I dipped my finger in the serum and checked for the temperature.

Having a nursing major had really great perks. Temperature was to be exact or else if too hot or too cold, it would set the body or vessel in this case to go into shock. It was perfect as far as it goes. I pulled one of the small wash cloths nearby into my hands and pushed it into the soupy medicine. I could hear the unfamiliar man cough. It was wet and not at all pleasing. I sighed and took the washcloth out of the bowl, squeezing the extra juice until it was only damp.

I turned, stopping midway and just getting a good look of who I was to take care of. His vessel was handsome. Brunette hair short, jawline cut to a good degree and exposed skin, however, pale. His eyes were blocked from their closed lids. He was resting. I wouldn't blame him. The red skin and grace leaking from his chest and nose were almost too harsh to look at. Someone _really_ didn't like him. I descended my covered hand onto his chest.

His hues flew open and he snatched my hands away from his chest with a blood curdling cry. His knuckles were white as they began to make damage.

"Stop! Stop! It's okay, I'm not hear to hurt you. Okay?" He looked scared, his front was heaving lightly form the sudden contact. "Okay?" I whispered. His jaw tensed and he laid back down, letting go off me. Sweat was beading from his ghostly features. His eyes remained open, watching me, as if I were to attack at any sudden moment. I laid the first cloth onto the upper part of his wound. A soft grunt was the response.

For the remainder of one hour, I sat there on the floor bandaging him in silence. After the last was applied, I looked up at him, pressing my lips into a flat line and putting my hands into my lap. "Do you feel any relief?"

He squinted his features and studied me for quite some time before speaking,"yes. Thank you." His hand rested on his abdomen, head rested on the arm of the couch.

"Well, I guess since you are staying with me for awhile, I'm going to ask you some questions. Only some, since I want you to get your sleep." Distracting him from the pain with questions, I hoped, would work. He flickered his eyes,"alright, what's your name, to begin with."

"My name," he paused. Seeming to think,"I─Gadreel." He exhaled,"Gadreel." He repeated.

"Okay, Hello Gadreel." I said softly,"I'm Elizabeth, but please, call me Binx." I looked at him, musing myself for another question,"is there any place in the world you would want to go?" It was random, but hey, I had to keep him occupied.

He looked boggled by my billion questions,"Madam-I mean, Binx. I do know that you are trying to soothe me, but I would like my rest. I've had such a bad day being kept up and abused. I would like atleast alittle time to myself." I was taken aback by his sudden jolt of tone and nodded slowly before taking the blanket draping over the back of the piece of furniture and letting it lay over him.

"Alright." I said and got up. Tomorrow, I hope would be a better day than this one. I settled myself inside my bedroom and slunked into my mattress. Eyes closing, to dream. It was a wild ride, but my promise to Castiel was a big one. Gadreel was a broken angel as of right now, needing someone and that someone was going to be me. The next morning to come, I needed answers.


	2. chapter 2

The feeling of someone standing over me snapped me out of what seemed like only a few minutes of sleep. My eyes were painfully awake now, I had to desperately search for the intruder. It was a ghostly blue out, telling me that it was alittle before six. I squinted my eyelids only surprised at what I had saw.

"Holy hell!" I cry out, my hand searches for more mattress as I withdraw from the figure towering over me. It catches the open air as I stumble onto the wooden boards below. "Ow-" I grunt. Sitting up right, letting my fingers dance across my swollen palms.

"Forgive me," the figure spoke,"my bandages are irritating me and I did not know where to find any extras." I stood up and turned on my lamp that rested over the nightstand to see Gadreel standing there. He looked alittle more replenished, yet his exhaust was plastered all over his face.

"Oh, good lord, Gadreel. Next time nudge me gently instead of giving me that creepy vibe like you're about to murder me in my sleep, okay?" He nods slowly and I ponder to where he stayed. Grabbing his bicep, I led him into the dining room area of the apartment,"stay here, I'll go get some and refresh your bandages." The angel did as he was told and leaned into the chair, putting all his weight onto it. A sharp exhale had inclined it's way from his throat as he sat.

I shuffled my way to the bathroom and opened up the small closet that was right infront of the sink. I drifted my finger to search for the label, Deps AID. Which was a low brand of bandages that were still equally useful. I used them ever since I was a freshmen in college, since, well, since I was practically broke? My tongue clicked as I finally found it and opened up the box to get one roll of stripping gauze.

"Alright, this, I think is going to be less painful than the first time around," I say as my head bobs up to see his form bent over and head drooped as he slept. I shook my head,_ geez guy, gotta catch a break? _By looking at him now, I noticed how unsatisfying his clothes looked. My only thoughts beforehand were, _damn, this guy is hot to oh yeah, I'm going to be his new protector. _

I stepped over to where he was,"Gadreel?" I leveled my face to his to see if he had heard me, in which the result was a no go. "**Gadreel**." I said alittle louder and his eyes flew open and tilted slightly to make eye contact. I held out the bandages and shook them to know that I was indeed ready to patch him up again.

He unzipped the hoodie that he had been wearing and exposed the now dark brown and red bandages. My tongue sloppily came out in disgust. My fingers very slowly and steadily lifted the bandages off of him, tearing an open so that I could unravel the rest. His face was distorted with pain,"So─you don't seem very talkative like your brother, if I can say that." I decided that the awkward silence was, well, too awkward. Small talk would have to do for now.

"I haven't had that much experience with being quite _talkative_ with my family or others in that case. Excuse my rusty social skills." He seemed irritated and I wouldn't blame him. That wound looked like it hurt and the angel was only becoming more and more aggressive each strip I laid onto his vessel's bare chest.

"Just, chill out. Alright? You're not making it better for you or for I. So just relax." He didn't seem to want to abide by my demanding tone so I just let that ticket slip. I finally glued the last of the strips onto his chest.

"Are you not suppose to put more of that liquid on me?" I flashed a row of teeth to give him reassurance.

"It only goes on once, then it enters your bloodstream and begins to take action. Don't worry, this pain is a healing process. It will take alittle more time before it numbs up. Whatever you did, you sure fucked up your body and that isn't just going to go away." He frowned at my remarks.

"I don't like that." I cocked a brow and rested my hands on my knees.

"You don't like what?" I questioned.

"Your foul language. Must you really use it?" Of course, I was surprised at his sudden demand. It was however, true. Foul language comes and goes out of my mouth when it wants to and I haven't really noticed it until he had said so.

"I-oh. Sorry about that. I guess it's just a bad habit I have. I'll work on it." He nods slightly. It was a long pause as I packed everything up again to be used at another time. To be exact, possibly within the next day or two. His body was restoring itself and the blood was finally coming to a slow halt.

He squinted his eyes,"How do you know Castiel? ── " He stopped and then looked at me again,"I mean, What happened?" It was not a question I was just to ignore, he looked very insistent and I pressed my lips into a flat line. Deciding on whether to just give him a short visual or the whole thing.

Gadreel blinked rather continuously and I knew I had taken a lot of time to think over my own thoughts.

"Sit on the couch, I'm going to tell you how I met your brother."

* * *

My breath was erratic as I stumbled to get to where I could, to hide. I wasn't positive that running into the kitchen was the greatest idea, since the island was small and not possible for me to fit in.

"WHERE THE HELL YOU AT?" The male voice yelled out and a few shots were fired from within my apartment. I dodged under the sink and shut the doors to my half unprotected haven. My exhales were loud, I could tell from the way I was flashing back hot tears and the way my lungs pushed my chest out to a degree that it hurt.

"C'mon bitch, you owe us." He began.

I didn't owe them anything. _Nothing_. It was all my father's ideal. He was the one whom sought out more money and sold me for his own gain. By selling, I mean, sexually. He wasn't a very loving father since my mother had left him for some rich man living up in California. I got out of that business quickly after they had gunned down my father for my behavioral errors. I never looked back, until now.

David was his name, he was atleast several years older than I was and he wasn't a pleasant man. I was locked in that house for many years since I was nineteen and I was "his" if you could say. I would have to please him or else he would hurt me, but he did anyways which was almost deadly. After several hours of painful interaction one night, I saw that he had slipped his guard and I went for it. I ran and I got out of there as fast as I could.

My back pressed against the side of the sink and I closed my eyes, putting my housed fingers to my forehead.

"Father, please hear me and protect me. Send your most loyal to assist me in this nightmare. God, forgive me if he does not come in time and I must take away those who harm me." I say softly and barely audible so that they wouldn't detect I was there. I swallowed the shallow pain from the bruises erupting from my left eye socket. The purple color already making it's mark.

"Check in the bedroom, I'll check in here." His voice drew near and I held my breath. A metal object scrapped over my tiled floors and I swear I drowned myself with tears. He opened the sink doors and I flung my feet out, kicking his shins and he snarled, taking me by the roots of my hair and flinging me out of the small space.

His lips were pressed harshly against my ear,"you think you can just run and expect me to just give up on ya' like that? Worthless whore." I stayed put from the pain of his grasp, but yelled out for anyone. For any sign of movement.

He brought his weapon to my stomach and it slammed hard into my flesh. I cried in pain,"if you want freedom, you can have it with your _god_." David mocked me and slammed the weapon yet again into my stomach. By now, blood was gushing out of me and I was in a banshee wale.

"Guh!" The next thing I knew he was gasping for air, choking for it. It was relieving to feel his embrace of my hair let free. I fell to the ground and curled into a ball, pressing hard on my open wounds. David fell to the side of me and through watered eyes, there was another man.

His shoes and pants I could only process. If I tried to tilt my head higher, I'd hurt myself even more. "Please," I screamed,"Help me."  
He knelt down to me and rubbed a hand on my side. The other hand pressed on my forehead and I suddenly felt peace.

"You are going to be alright." The man whispered and my eyes lazily drooped. My vision blurred and my temple felt the cold floors.

* * *

"By that time, Castiel stayed with me the whole night and he talked and talked. Told me god had heard me and sent him to me." I rubbed my hands together and looked for his reaction, which was the same.

"You were a prostitute?" I rolled my eyes and shook my head with annoyance.

"No, Gadreel. If I were a prostitute, I would have done that shi-I mean, _stuff_, differently. I was under force and I hated what he did to me."

"Alright." He glanced sideways and breathed,"So, how do you know how to heal my kind? Did Castiel just teach you or was there a purpose?"

"As I said, he knew I would owe him one day. So he thought of a plan for it. Now here we are." I opened my arms to demonstrated my words. Gadreel swished his head side to side.

"Fine, Jackass. If you wanna be so smart, why the hell are you here then?" And that caught the male off guard. He scrunched up his brows in slight anger.

"Because I did something bad and I had consequences." He snapped and I narrowed my eyes,"and a man I tried to convince that I was going through troubles lashed out at me." He grumbled and I still kept my eyelids to slits.

This was going to be a long _sunday_.

* * *

"We need to go to the store, Gadreel." I said suddenly and it tensed him with my random outburst. I was already grabbing my keys and jacket.

"What?" He questioned, curiosity blazing through his tone.

"I said. We. Are. Going. To. _Thy_. Store. You need more clothes, man, you stink so bad in those, it isn't even funny anymore." The angel peered down at his attire and whispered to himself.

"Angels do not worry about human tendencies neither do we change in different clothing." He stood up, towering over me yet again.

"Buddy, it's called acting normal and staying ahead of the game? Don't make me grab your hand and drag you with me." I warned and he looked as if I was just messing around. I smacked his shoulder hard and it made him yap with extreme pain, I stole his hand away from it's glued position and moved forward attempting to distract the pain as we left.

He pulled me back to where he was and I fell onto him. I was damn sure I was going to resist, as my mother always said to me. You stubborn ass.  
"**Gadreel**!" We were tipping over and I almost lost his grip on him, losing my right heel and falling half over. His hands grabbed me tightly and we quickly went down.

Instantly, he had realized that I was plastered on top of his vessel's body, I swear I could see just a hint of pink overline the skin of his cheeks. He stuttered as we were put into a seated position. Awkward silence erupted, as I got off of him. "Uh, _yeah_. Store."

"Y-yes, as you were." He stuttered and I opened the door, not letting my gaze fixate on him as we managed to get ourselves to the car.

He sat still in the passengers side, the whole way there. Eyes stern, thinking about something, incredibly hard. I was sure his brain was going to explode.  
I felt weird after that, I was going to fall on my own, but he grabbed me and protected me with his own wounded body. I was being such a bitch, too. I sighed, looking over to him yet again.

"Gadreel, I'm so-"

"No need for apologies." He stated and jerked back into his bored expression. I blinked, and turned my attention on the road again. Feeling the mysterious jolt in my stomach.

* * *

"What type of clothes are these, they are hideous." He snapped and jerked my head to hiss at him.

"It's called jeans, Gadreel. You're wearing them right now." The angel looked over himself and then turned his chin in self loafing defeat. I giggled alittle, it was amusing to see him in such an annoyed state. I could keep this guy around for awhile, if our personalities didn't clash so boldly. I dug through the racks of the thrift shop. Eyeing some plaid shirts that I often thought were quite nice on men. _Would yellow and black go good on him? Hm._ I took it off the single rack and displayed it over my forearm. Luckily, the angel was too distracted by how the 'weird circular tubes' were spinning.

In the corner of my eye, lay a pair to someone else. I brushed it off, deciding that the man had just being roaming his views over the store. I picked out another shirt, just a green tee, with the words snapple slapped on the front. "Hey, did you get the underwear yet?" I called and he called out a firm yes.

The sense came back again and I looked up. His eyes were still glued to me.  
My anxiety was now creeping in on me. I walked fastly over to where the tall brunette stood, gazing at the wide variety of different colored briefs. I leaned in close to him, touching his bicep.

"Gadreel, we need to get out of here." My voice hushed and his eyebrows knitted as my expression kept changing from a worried look to full blown panic.

"Why?"

"Please, c'mon. Let's just get out things and get out of here." His pupil's dilated and his head turned frantically to each side, he knew what I was referring to with my motions.

Screams erupted from the left of the store. They were atrocious, like high pitched howling mixed in with a laughter that was blood curdling. It alerted all the customers and employees throughout the department.

Gadreel broke free from his plain boredom and fear had quickly replaced it. He fully well knew whose voice could do that.

"_Gathadriel_."

* * *

_**Please forgive my you guys! I was in the processes of moving and internet was honestly lost for a month. Guh, thank you for the review, follows, and favorites! **_  
_**I love them alot. Keeps me motivated. :) **_


End file.
